So I am writing this entry after it
occured to me half way through this week of sleep (I've been home
sick) that the reason I am sick is that I have been moving too fast.
If you remember, I decided to set
myself the goal of completing my TEFL certification by the end of
January. To understand what was so monumentous about that task you
need to realise that it took me from September to December to
complete approximately 60 hours of my TEFL and I was hoping to
complete the remaining 60 in 31 days. Well I made it to 115 hours
completed by the 31st, Nevertheless, I am so proud that I
completed that much and in the time frame that I did – and even
though I didn't reach my goal completely – this certification (from i-to-i) is
now under my belt and allowing me to go one more step in the
direction of change and adventure.
Unfortunately, working fulltime
combined with studying every evening until at least 12 at night
(mostly until at least 1am) does not lend itself to a healthy
lifestyle. Sadly my other goal for January rocked, peetered and
fizzed out half way through. I was a woman obsessed with finishing
TEFL and now that it is over – I feel groundless. As if now that I
am not anxiously awaiting feedback from my tutor with a “yea” or
a “nay” that I am doing nothing worthwhile with my life. (OK
don't worry this is not a “I am depressed” blog). Which leads me
to what I've decided to do to make (the remaining part of) February
worthwhile.
I was talking with my sister,
Mademoiselle Awesome, at the beginning of February about planning (at
this stage I hadn't finished TEFL yet). She suddenly turned to me and
said “I bet I know what you're planning for this evening”. I was
a bit taken aback but said “go on”. She then proceeded to tell me
IN DETAIL exactly what I had planned for the rest of the evening. I
laughed but she then pointed out that 9/10 she can guess what I am
planning and it hit me (well, actually she hit me with her wisdom – sometimes she acts like she is 100!) - I never stop
and smell the roses – or slow down and appreciate life without
having planned it down to the milisecond. I don't understand the
concept of Spontaneity. How sad, I hear you exclaim! And you are
right. I am 29 years old and for the last 5 years at least I have
forgotten how to do something just because: When I come home in the
evenings by the time I get to my door I've planned that I am going to
watch X, check my emails, cook dinner and tomorrows, shower, bed by
11. When something doesn't work out I get frustrated and snappy (just
ask my family). I live as if I can only live if everthing is planned.
If I plan on going on a walk on Tuesday but my sister asks me on
Monday, I usually will refuse her because you know – I plan to go
tomorrow.
So you might think I'm mad but
for February I'm going to slow down and try to “feel groovy”. I
don't have enough time to fine-tune and plan this goal especially
since February is almost half-over! However, that's a good thing
since the goal of the month is to try and find some Spontaneity in my
life.
Wish me luck !
PS – Yet again the title of this
post is inspired by a song and if you don't know the song “Feelin'
Groovy” by Simon and Garfunkel – we NEED to talk!
